Somewhere towards the end
From Somewhere towards the end, by Diana Athill (Granta mag. no:98)
an article on her life and getting old, esp. from the point of view of relationships and men: (i make no comments, just bring some parts, guess that quoting is comment enough)
... the most obvious thing about moving into my seventies was the disappearance of what used to be the most important thing in my life: i might not look, or even feel, all that old, but i had ceased to be a sexual being, a condition which had gone through several stages and had not always been a happy one, but which had always seemed central to my existence.
... a broken heart mends much faster from a conclusive blow than it does from slow strangulation.
... Loyalty unearned is simply the husk of a notion developed to benefit the bosses in feudal system. When spouses are concerned, it seems to me that kindness and consideration should be the key words, not loyalty, and sexual infidelity does not necessarily wipe them out.
Fidelity in the sense of keeping one's word, i respect, but i think it tiresome that it is tied so tightly in people's minds to the idea of sex. ... why, given our bone-deep, basic need for one another, do men and women have to put so much weight on this particular, unreliable aspect of it?
... gradually, i had become aware that my interest in, and therefore my physical response to, making love to my dear habitual companion was dwindling: familiarity had made the touch of his hand feel so like the touch of my own hand that it no longer conveyed a thrill.
... the really important thing we had in common was that neither of us had any wish to fall in love or to become responsible for someone's else peace of mind. We didn't even need to see a great deal of each other. We knew that we would give each other no trouble.
... (after the death of her last companion) ... after his death, Sam became more vivid in my mind ... I saw him with photographic clarity - still can. ... particularly i remember the feel of him. his skin ... and his smell was pleasant and healthy. i feel him lying beside me after making love, both of us on our backs, hands linked, arms and legs touching in a friendly way. his physical presence is so clear, even now, that it is almost like a haunt (an amiable one).
an article on her life and getting old, esp. from the point of view of relationships and men: (i make no comments, just bring some parts, guess that quoting is comment enough)
... the most obvious thing about moving into my seventies was the disappearance of what used to be the most important thing in my life: i might not look, or even feel, all that old, but i had ceased to be a sexual being, a condition which had gone through several stages and had not always been a happy one, but which had always seemed central to my existence.
... a broken heart mends much faster from a conclusive blow than it does from slow strangulation.
... Loyalty unearned is simply the husk of a notion developed to benefit the bosses in feudal system. When spouses are concerned, it seems to me that kindness and consideration should be the key words, not loyalty, and sexual infidelity does not necessarily wipe them out.
Fidelity in the sense of keeping one's word, i respect, but i think it tiresome that it is tied so tightly in people's minds to the idea of sex. ... why, given our bone-deep, basic need for one another, do men and women have to put so much weight on this particular, unreliable aspect of it?
... gradually, i had become aware that my interest in, and therefore my physical response to, making love to my dear habitual companion was dwindling: familiarity had made the touch of his hand feel so like the touch of my own hand that it no longer conveyed a thrill.
... the really important thing we had in common was that neither of us had any wish to fall in love or to become responsible for someone's else peace of mind. We didn't even need to see a great deal of each other. We knew that we would give each other no trouble.
... (after the death of her last companion) ... after his death, Sam became more vivid in my mind ... I saw him with photographic clarity - still can. ... particularly i remember the feel of him. his skin ... and his smell was pleasant and healthy. i feel him lying beside me after making love, both of us on our backs, hands linked, arms and legs touching in a friendly way. his physical presence is so clear, even now, that it is almost like a haunt (an amiable one).
posted by friend @ 1:43 PM
1 Comments:
At 11:01 AM,
Anonymous said…
I suggest a book:
The Heart of Healing: Inspired Ideas, Wisdom and Comfort from Today's Leading Voices
amazing book on various subjects, parts of it is dedicated to relationships and understanding of human behavior and interaction.
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